Monday, September 14, 2009

I need to vent, ramble on

Ok so its been a while...sorry for that. I have found that I dont have that much time to just sit and write. I am so depressed right now. I love my family, love my life, love my job...I just hate how I look. I dont feel like me anymore. I never do my hair because I dont have time in the morning. I dont wear makeup because I just dont see a point. I never wear jewelry because I just forget. I wear these stupid goucho pants because NOTHING ELSE FITS!!!! I dont know why I cant lose any weight. I know im not eating the best, but I know I am eating MUCH better than I was a month ago but I still havent lost anything. I rarely eat fast food now, when we eat out I stay away from fried food. I dont eat that many sweets and I have even been cooking more. I just dont understand. I have no time to work out, though I am pledging to walk everyday for 30 minutes no matter what. Even if I have to walk in my house, I am going to walk. I just feel like my life is on hold till I lose the weight. I really want to have another child soon. Yes I said it! I am already getting the baby itch! But everyone that knows me well knows that I want to have all my kids close in age, no more that 2 yrs a part. I love the relationship that my siblings and I have and I truely believe its because we are so close in age. I really wanted to start trying again in December but I just dont see that happening with the way things are. I am just too overweight and will the health problems I already have, it would be really stupid to try anytime soon. Unfortunately it doesnt change how my heart feels. Im leaving it up to God and I will try to have patience and lose the weight the right way. It is extremely tempting to glue my mouth shut for two weeks! Ok sorry for that! I just had to get that out. I know every new mother goes through a time where she loses herself, Im just ready to find myself and be happy with who I am again.

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